Cinderella, Sinderella, Cupcake, Firewoman

Halloween is stressful. Some of this has to do with the fact that there is already Christmas stuff in stores (WTF, right?!) which means I can't just enjoy Halloween because I'm instantly stressed about all the crap I have not yet started for Christmas. Like I need that.

But also, picking a costume is apparently a huge deal. HUGE. I don't remember this being the case last year. Hayden picked Cinderella right off the bat and stuck with it. Lucy wasn't really old enough to decide so I turned her into a little red devil and decided right before they went Trick or Treating that she was "SINderella". They were the cutest pair ever. 

 

Look ---> 

Cinderella ♥

SINderella!

It's funny how this about sums up their personalities. Sweet, innocent and wanting to please you vs. mischievous, playful and wanting to trick you. 

So I thought this year would be kind of easy but I was wrong not right.

Hayden's costume choices: 

1. Lalaloopsy

2. Princess Frog

3. Butterfly

4. Fairy

5. Ariel

6. Lalaloopsy (yes, again)

7. Rapunzl

8. Princess Fairy

9. Cupcake 

 

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Lucy's costume choices: 

 

1. "NO!!! I don't want pick one! Gimme witch broom! NO DRESS UP!" 

2. Fireman.

*sigh*

 

So I have one cupcake and one firewoman. Coming riiiiiiight up.

Elm trees & swing sets

Back in July, we had to bid farewell to the enormous Siberian Elm in our backyard because it was, uh, diagnosed (?) with Dutch Elm Disease. It was a sad day when we scheduled the removal because we had hoped to build the most epic tree house ever for the girls. There was going to be a suspension bridge, pulley's, a rope ladder, zip lines and even electricity. At least that had been the plan. Saying good-bye to the tree meant saying good-bye to the tree house dream as well.

That HUGE mass off branches is all Siberian Elm. It was enormous.

With the tree coming down, we opted for Plan B. A shiny new play set with a climbing wall, rope ladder, slide, swings, trapeze, and tower. After delivery, the giant boxes sat in the garage until after the tree was down (another 2-3 weeks). Poor Hayden and Lucy would go into the garage and sit on the boxes, looking at the picture of the set and saying "can we swing and slide now?". We kept telling them, "as soon as the tree is down, we will put the set up. We promise!"

The stump ~ beautiful ~ but it had to go too.

Eventually, the tree was down and the new swing set was up and all was right in toddler world.

Not quite finished - tower, rope ladder, 3rd swing and accessories had not been installed yet.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Brad and Hayden had gone for a walk through the neighborhood. We had some heavy snow last week; not a lot of it but enough to break some branches. Throughout the area there are many Siberian Elms, most of which probably need to come down as well.

As father and daughter walked along, they came to a tree that was indeed being taken down. Hayden stopped and looked at Brad and said "Are they getting a new swing set too?" 

Because when a tree comes down, it must surely be replaced with a swing set.

Parenting: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures

Several weeks ago, one of my most favorite blogs on the planet held a little contest. Amber at Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures asked her readers to submit a story that they would like to see "crappified". She would then select three winners and use their stories, her pictures, and create magic. 

Illustration by Amber Dusick

I submitted a couple of stories because I happen to think the my children are hilarious. When I received the email that she picked on of my stories, I was so stinking happy that I couldn't see straight. I think my return email to her was something along the lines of "OMFGHAHAHAHHAOMGHAHAHAHA"...or something.

So anywho ~ she selected one of the favorite stories from Hayden when she was learning to talk. Here is Amber's post: 

Ridiculous   The story was the brief explanation I gave to Amber, the drawings are all her.

This is so getting printed out and hung on a wall. A huge thank you to Amber!

p.s. This blog has just sort of been my place to keep stories I want to remember and show my girls when they grow up. I was fine with Amber posting the blog link to the post she did but I did not expect 1700 visitors to show up in two days. So...hello people that came to visit! Since I know you are here from Crappy Pictures...I know you are fabulous and funny because the comments on her blog are just as great as the blog most days!

Bags of Juice

I was driving home with my girls and some, uh, person cut me off. It's possible that I may have used an expletive at this time (which is of course, a complete shock to those that know me).

Shortly I hear a small voice in the back seat.

"Momma? What's a 'juicebag'?"

???

Mother of the Year

Both girls like to mess with things. They aren't particular about what their messing with either. It could be a chair, a book, my face while I'm trying to read, something I've specifically said to not touch, buttons, et cetera. 

Today their daycare was closed so I stayed home most of the day and had Zoee come over for 3 hours to watch them so I could go to the office for awhile. After I left work, we dropped Zoee off and went to the store to find Lucy's Halloween costume. 

I pulled out of the driveway and went to the gas station to fill up (6 miles to empty! Ooooops). The traffic was bad at that intersection so I went back up the road, past our house and out to the main highway from there. I was going very slow through the residential area and past the two schools. I stopped at the traffic light and waited for green. 

The giggling in the backseat probably should have tipped me off, but it didn't. 

Light turned green. 

I stepped on the gas and made a quick left turn. 

I hear a noise. A scream. A giggle. A "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA" 

Oh shit. 

 

At some point, unbeknownst to me, Lucy had unbuckled the seat-belt that holds her car-seat in place. Not only was it unbuckled, her car-seat was just sitting on the back seat not attached to anything. 

Just one step closer to Mother of the Year (MOTY).

Great moments in parenting.

I have had a few of these throughout the four years I have been a mom. I don't always recognize the moment as great right away. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time. A friend of mine posted a status update about how when is child was born, he swore he'd never lie to her. Apparently, their goldfish has been away at summer camp for 5 months now. Hey, it happens to the best of us....

A few years ago, one of the obnoxious noisy toys that Hayden was playing with finally stopped working. She was getting a little frustrated with it because she was not done playing. I finally explained to her that it needed batteries to run and the batteries were dead. The only way to get it working again was to buy new batteries. She completely understood me and it made sense to her.

And then...

"Mom, we need to batchries. We go to the store for batchries?" 

Soon, Hayden. The store is out of them right now. But we'll go soon. I promise. Ahem.

A few days later we are in the car and I'm driving them to daycare. Both girls are madly clicking their power window buttons. I lock these intentionally because I can't stand the change in pressure when the windows are going up...and down...and up...and down...or God FORBID if one window is only a few inches down because that's when my eardrums feel like they are going to explode. To avoid exploding heads, I lock the windows. 

The girls sense something is wrong and tell me 45 times "Momma, the window is broken!" and finally a lightbulb goes on and I say "No, honey, it's just the window isn't working anymore because it needs new batteries." 

"Oh," she says. And she is satisfied with this answer. I feel like I won some sort of parenting-secret jackpot. Now, the minute anything stops working, it  needs new batteries!

Flashlight won't turn on? It needs new batteries! 

The candy drawer is stuck shut? Definitely needs new batteries!! 

The markers dried out? They need new batteries! 

Great moments in parenting come back to haunt me sometimes though. 

One morning we were on our way to daycare and I was singing along with the radio. Miss Hayden says "Momma! Your singing is broken. It needs new batteries." 

Well played, Hayden. Well played. 

♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

I got a song stuck in my head this morning and couldn't rid myself of it.

♫ The stars at night
are big and bright
*clapclapclapclap*
Deep in the heeeeeart of Texas! ♫

I was singing it over and over. Just that part though, because I don't know the rest.

Driving the girls to daycare, they were sort of singing along...Lucy did her best.

♫ Stars at night!
Big and bright!
*clapclap.....clap*
Deep in the hard of breakfast! ♫

Mmmmm....breakfast....

bacon♥

"Are you going running?"

The scene:

It's 7:00am.
Lucy is sitting on the kitchen floor putting her shoes on.
Brad is in the refrigerator getting his lunch ready for the day.
Hayden is carrying a pumpkin cookie around the kitchen and saying she's taking it to show "the kids" at school.
I've had a frazzled, throw my hair in a ponytail, get dressed quickly, forget my lunch kind of morning.

Until Hayden speaks.

"Momma, are you going running?"  Aw, cute! She sees my ponytail and thinks I'm going running.

"No...why?" 

"Oh. Your hair looks like crap." 

Crappy Hair.

 And then my husband pipes in to stick up for me: 

"Hayden! You can't say that to your mother!" Aw, he's so sweet ♥ "Only I can say that to your mother!" 

Ouch.


I found this really funny because yesterday, one of my favorite blogs, Parenting: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures did a collaboration post with Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva about "Insulting Compliments"
Things like "My favorite shape is a circle because that's the same shape as you!" 

I had no example to share because my children don't do the insulting compliments. They just go for the direct hit, as they did this morning. 
 

"I want to be like Daddy"

My little girls aspire to be like their Daddy...and they should. He is smart, kind, generous, funny and has a million other qualities that the girls would be lucky to possess. 

The other day we were getting ready to go to the store and I reminded Hayden that she needed to go to the bathroom before we left. She is always okay with this and that day was no different. Except it was. 

She went into the bathroom and dropped her pants and undies into a heap. She then proceeded to put the lid up. This is where things went a little bit awry. Rather than turning around and climbing up to pee, she decided that she had to pee like Daddy. 

So there she stood, facing the toilet and searching for the body part that she simply does not have. I told her she'd need to sit on the potty because that's what girls do. What I got in return was an emphatic "NO. I PEE LIKE DADDY. I'M STANDING UP TO GO PEE."  Oh please, let there be wine in the wine rack...

We don't have boys...we don't have Tinkle Toys! We have a little princess potty for Lucy and the big girl potty that we all use. How do I explain that girls don't have the parts we need to pee standing up (without making a giant f*cking mess)?

Ergh. 

I try again and tell her that she needs to sit down but she is insistent that she must. pee. standing. up. At this point, she's bent over and searching her girly parts for anything that she can get a grip on to "aim" at the toilet. I'm a little panicked and waiting for a question I really don't feel like answering. She's searching. I'm sweating and trying to figure out what her next move will be. She's really searching and I'm at a complete loss. 

Just when I think she's going to ask me something or just start peeing and hope for the best, she looks at me. She shrugs. Then she climbs up on the toilet and pees...like a girl. 

Ohhhhh thank you. I had visions of being the first mom in history to have to teach a 4 year old how to use a Go Girl. Of course, she would use it as some sort of new-fangled princess telescope. Or a hat.

But it doesn't "look like Daddy's".

The future is bright ...

Do you ever have one of those moments with your children where you look at them and can see their future as clear as day? 

You know what I mean. Little Johnny is putting the finishing touches on the most epic Lego skyscraper that has ever been and in that moment, you see it. You see Big Johnny, 25 years down the road, sitting at a drafting table and finalizing the blueprints that will become the most popular building on the planet. Ever. It will be award-worthy and he will be wildly successful.

Have you had these moments? 

I had one this afternoon: 

"woo woo!"

Sitting in the back of a KPD squad car. They were just a little too happy to be there.

"I'm gonna color on your head..."

Lucy: "You don't speak like that and say shut up!" 

Hayden: "If I had a million dollars you could still not say shut up!

Lucy: "I can't pick it up - YOU pick it up."

Hayden: "I'm going to pick up ALL these markers because you are being a ding dong"

Lucy: "I'm. Done. I'm going to color on you"

Hayden: "No NOooooooo!! MOOOOOO-OOOOM! Lucy colored on my foot." 

Lucy: "I'm gonna color on your head."

Thank you for being washable.

I am really not completely sure what that was all about because I was checking Facebook doing housework. I am often amused by the conversations that they have with each other. I am also often horrified at how perfectly they mimic my husband and I when we are scolding them or impatient. Arms on hips, head cocked to the side and the tone, omg the tone of her voice. Do I really sound like that? Shit. 

"You like that?"

Once again, Hayden was in the bathroom and hollered for me to come see her. "Momma! Come here!" 

I'm not sure her obsession with carrying on a conversation while pooping, but she thinks it's great.

I went into the bathroom and sat on the floor so she could tell me whatever she needed to get off her chest. As she chatted, her hind end was acting like a little machine gun. 

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat. Rat-a-tat-tat-tat

I couldn't do anything but laugh. When she realized I was laughing at her tooting, she looked at me with her chin jutting out a bit and said:

"You like that? You want some more?"

wtf

If that weren't enough, when she was done with here rapid fire, she ran out into the living room to inform her daddy that she is "Tootie McFartPants". 

Class-y.