Happy Ho-Ho-Holloways!

It's that time of year again. The time of year when we force our children to go to the mall, stand in line, and sit on the lap of some fat old guy wearing a fake beard and a Santa suit that smells like stale whiskey, Cheetos and Ben-Gay. And please, children, don't forget to tell this man what you want for Christmas.

We are not the "dress up in frilly things and sit pretty for the camera" kind of people (shocking, right?) so I've never bothered to put the girls in anything other than what they were already wearing to go visit Mr. Claus.

In 2011, both girls were SO excited to go see Santa! You could practically hear their thoughts. 

"This man can get us exactly what we want for Christmas! We can totally by-pass Momma and Daddy! Who cares if they are happy? We just need to please this man in the red suit! Suckolios..." 

We stood in line for maybe 10 minutes which was tolerable for them both. When it was our turn, Hayden went running for Mall Santa and was thrilled to climb in his lap and smile like the manipulative little shit sweet little angel that she is. I swear I could hear her eyes batting. 

Lucy? Not so much. Lucy was happy until about the time I placed her on Santa's other leg. Now, she didn't cry, she didn't scream, she didn't get down or run off. No...not Lucy. She sat frozen on his leg and refused to make contact with anything but the ground. 

The photographer, Brad & I all jumped around and waved our arms like crazy. We called her name, we made stupid noises, we said "smiiiiiiiiiile Luuuuuuucy". Nothing worked. We did this for an hour! Ok, we did this for like 90 seconds and she finally looked at us for the picture. 

Pissed. OFF.

Not to mention the fact that she looks freaking enormous. I mean like, front page of the National Enquirer enormous. Like she ate the last idiot that tried to make her pose for this picture.

*sigh*

2012 was different. This year, the girls actually requested that they wear their "beautiful dresses" they had worn over Thanksgiving when we went to see The Nutcracker. They had baths, brushed their teeth, combed their hair, got dressed and ready to go without even a little fuss. Apparently they want to please Santa this year. Ok, offspring o' mine, game on. 

We got to the mall about the same time as Santa which was nice because there was only one person in front of us. Both girls were on their best behavior (for a change) and were pretty content to just hang out and wait. The excitement about being able to see Santa from where they stood was almost too much to handle. Hayden asked me about 4.9 million times "can I see Santa now?"

If I had a dollar for every time I have uttered the words "in a minute" over the past several months, I'd be retired and spending my time in one of four houses scattered throughout the country.

"In a minute, Hayden." 

Then it was our turn! Once again, Hayden rushed to Santa's side and was more than happy to be sitting on his lap. Lucy? Oh no...not again. Instead of putting her on his lap this year, I put her on the bench next to him. She looked at the floor...looked at me...gave a very Lucy-esque sideways stare to Santa and then looked at the photographer. 

They all have on the same boots!

I'm fairly certain that Lucy is thinking "you f*cking people are as ridiculous as this asshat in the Santa suit sitting next to me." That's not a smile..it's a smirk.

Happy Holidays. Pass the Tylenol. 

Tis the season...

It's not the holidays until the kids start begging for presents every minute of every day. This is the first year where both Hayden and Lucy completely understand the concept of Santa and Christmas.

Our Elf on the Shelf, Story, has been hanging out for the last several days...though I'm not particularly "into" the whole thing. For instance, I'm not interested in Story being "bad" while we sleep. I saw one blog where the Elf supposedly spent the night baking cookies and left the whole kitchen a mess.

Um, no thanks. First of all...I don't want to be up all night baking a bunch of damn cookies and two, that stupid red Elf isn't the one that has to clean it. I have to clean it. I have plenty of floors, tables, clothes and kids to clean without a destructive Elf adding to the mix. Santa's Helper, my ass. Where's Momma's Helper?!

/rant off


I took Hayden shopping so she could pick out her own present for Lucy and her Dad. It was almost too much for her to handle. Lucy just had to have a La La Loopsy doll ("well actually, Momma, I want one...") and Daddy? Daddy needed a toy. Or a "boy mirror". Or a Nutcracker (*snicker*). Or a Barbie Dream House.

I'm not entirely certain that Hayden totally understood she needed to pick out something THEY want, not something SHE wanted them to have. It's okay though, we compromised and she did a good job. Can't tell what she bought though! It's a secret!

On the way home we discussed Christmas and presents and Santa's list.

"Momma, if Santa slices your head off, you are on the Naughty List." 

Ho. Ho. CHOP.

Backpack! Backpack! Backpack!

It's been a long time since we have taken a "backpacking" trip where we actually put what we needed on our backs and went somewhere overnight. Although I'm not sure you can qualify Hornet Lookout as a true "backpacking" adventure, it was the first one we have done as a family of four. It was a great way to spend a beautiful Labor Day Weekend.

Hornet Lookout is a fire lookout in the North Fork of Flathead National Forest. You can rent the cabin for $20 per night. There's a wood stove inside, propane lanterns, stoves, pots and pans, dishes, flatware, etc. You will find any number of other items depending on who was there before you. This last trip there was a Mike's Harder Cranberry Lemonade, condoms and tobacco and rolling papers for a smoke. Those Forest Service folks think of everything!

Anyway...we left Kalispell around 1pm and started our little hike about 3pm. Both girls started off walking on their own. Hayden even wore her own backpack and was carrying all of Lucy's diapers, her Pull-up for overnight and a bunch of snacks.

Trailhead Photo Op

Since the girls think the camera self-timer is one of the best toys ever, we used the opportunity to get a pre-hike photo with all of us at the trailhead. Notice Hayden in her sunglasses and backpack with my trekking poles. She put on her sunglasses and immediately told me "Momma. I'm soooo sexy." SEXY?! Where did she get that word from?!

We set off on our 1+ mile hike that had us climbing just under 1000 feet total. To the average person, this is not a bad little climb. You might get winded or a bit tired, but it is totally doable. To my little 'Nut and Goose who have short little legs, this is an epic challenge. Lucy managed to climb the first half of the trip all by herself. She held either Brad's hand or mine, but her little legs did all the work. Hayden was carrying mini Snickers bars so she had the occasional stop at switchbacks to chow one down. Is it wrong that I taught her "switchbacks are for pansies"? Yeah...I didn't think so either.

Check out my girls:

Climb on, my little hiker chick!

GO Lucy, GO!

 After the halfway point or so, we did put Lucy in the carrier and she rode most of the way up. Brad ran up ahead to unlock the lookout and drop his pack to come back and meet us. We weren't sure that Hayden would be able to walk the whole way so he wanted to be able to carry her if need be. Turns out, that wasn't necessary. We stopped just shy of the lookout and let Lucy out to walk. Hayden was getting tired but we promised her that the "house" we were going to was just ahead. I turned into a real parent on this trip because I repeatedly uttered "We're almost there" when we really weren't even close. Ha.

Hayden is a trooper. That girl climbed the mountain and kicked it's ass. She hoofed it right up to the Lookout, plopped her butt on the stairs and then raised her hands in the air and squealed! "I DID IT, MOMMA! DADDY, I DID IT!" I truly almost cried - I was so incredibly proud of her and could tell that she was so incredibly proud of herself.

I DID IT!!!