Dear Girls

Dear Hayden & Lucy,

A few days ago, an unimaginable nightmare took place in a small town called Newton, CT. A sad and disturbed young man shot his way into an elementary school and proceeded to kill 26 people...20 of whom were young children, like yourselves. Our entire country, and much of the world, is grief stricken and mourning over the loss of such innocence. Mommas and Daddies everywhere are holding their own children tighter than ever and grieving for those parents in Connecticut who are unable to do the same.

But you, my sweet daughters, are able to live in blissful ignorance of all that is going on around you. You are unaware of the pain, the loss, the helplessness. You are still running and skipping about with growing excitement about Christmas and presents. You are oblivious to the knowledge that there are presents under trees in CT that will never be ripped open by tiny eager hands. 

For this, I am envious. To have the fortune of being untouched by this nightmare and unscathed by the horror it has caused is a gift that many would love to have. I am also saddened to think that somewhere down the road, you will realize that the world is not perfect and that life can be brutal sometimes. It makes me want to pull you close and never let you go. 

But I can't do that forever. For now, while you are so innocent, I can shelter you and protect you. I can make sure that our home is safe for you and that it is filled with happiness, laughter, and love. In time you will feel heartache, you will be scared, frightened, disappointed, or hurt. Now is not your time. 

Now I will hold you closer, make you laugh harder, and love you more than you can imagine. I will do this for you, for me, and for the parents who lost their children. I will try to remember when you draw on the walls that it is just a wall and we have plenty of  paint. I will remember that the pain of stepping on a toy in the middle of the night that you left there, is an insignificant pain. I will not get annoyed when you interrupt what I'm doing because you want me to play with you or listen to you. I will read you a second bedtime story...a third...a fourth. I will always hug you and kiss you goodnight. I will never go to bed or leave the house angry. 

I will love you both with every ounce of my being every minute of every day.

Love,
Momma

Sisterly Love

Happy Birthday, Nut ♥

Today is Hayden's 4th Birthday.

Wasn't she just this tiny little thing that I brought home from the hospital and stared at, not being able to believe that she was mine? I certainly had no idea what was in store for me over the next four years. 

Little toes ♥

One of my all time favorites ♥

I remember those days like they were yesterday but they suddenly and sadly seem so far away. I miss that tiny little precious baby. I miss sitting quietly while she lay on my chest and softly slept. I miss caressing the top of her little head with my lips, thinking there couldn't possibly be anything softer. It's amazing she had any hair at all up there. So many kisses. 

She grew so fast and turned into a little spit fire with a flair for fashion. 

Always in a tutu. Always.

Before too long, she also became the greatest big sister on the planet when we welcome Lucy into our lives in January of 2010. It was instant love, an unwritten bond, a promise to always side with each other against the evil forces known as Momma and Daddy. 

The Holloway Girls

They started their adventures with each other right away and grew into a quite a pair of rascals. There is no shortage of tutu's, pink, sparkly things or laughter in our house. Ever. My little Peanut was growing fast and turning into a sweet little girl right before my eyes. 

All piggies, all the time.

My baby girl.

I haven't spent much  any time around children in my life. I was an only child and even though I had cousins, there were no little kids. I think one of my biggest surprises of motherhood was the fact that children will entertain you 100% of the time. They are amazingly sweet, incredibly innocent and completely hysterical. 

There have been some bumps and bruises along the way. And one Blue One. 

Love♥

Princess Chef Hayden...taking a call.

Hayden's heart is filled with love, joy and adventure. For that and for all that she is and all that she will become, I am so proud of her.

Bushwhacking. In a skirt. MY kid.

The Official "I'm a Hiker" pose.

My beautiful little girl.

So grown up.

Happy Birthday, Hayden. You are my best heart ever ♥

4.